Looking at this month, one way and another

This month:

I will be both the lead presenter and a panel member at an annual state-wide conference in my field (animal welfare). Both presentations are about community: reaching different groups, engaging them, working together in creative ways. A quote of mine, related to compassion fatigue, was printed in a nation trade magazine too. Through an apprenticeship, I am striving to both stretch my skills and get back to the roots of what brought me into this career in the first place, companion animal behavior/training and the human-animal bond. This is mostly in self-defense but also as a way to seek future relevance and service.

A windfall project came into my household late last year that generated some much needed cash. We live month to month, check to check, and as renters with pets...seemingly always in fear about our housing. Not a week after the payment came in for this project, our car threw a rod and took out its engine. At first I was all about, "Every blinking time we get a little extra, something (car, health crisis, etc) slams us, empties what might have passed as a bit of safety savings, and leaves us running on empty again". I got over myself. While yes, this does seem to be a rather shockingly predicable pattern over the past 12 or 15 years, if you flip it over it turns into, "Just before a serious financial hit comes, some unexpected money is earned to cover it" the world is suddenly a better place.

Find the right perspective; it is world changing.

and they she was gone

From February 20th

By the time I was five I had been kidnapped by each of my parents in turn and then left in the custody of my grandparents because neither of my parents were able to care for me. My grandmothers were more mothers than my mother could or would ever be, She and I are very dear friends but role reversal is a long standing part of our relationship.

My Gramma Martha passed away today, after nearly a year in hospice and several months in twilight where she spoke mostly to the Night People (her parents, her husband).

I hadn't seen her in many years but we remained very close. I am her only grandchild.

I had a dream last Friday night. I picked up the ringing telephone, and old heavy one with a handset and rotary dial and all. Martha was speaking, telling me about her day (grocery shopping, making dinner). She didn't seem to hear when I replied but carried on for a while and then was silent. I filled the space with I Love You and I Miss You. More silence followed and I thought she had put down the telephone.

Then she told a many times told story from my childhood. She and my Grampa Al drove up from the City to visit me and my mom and dad when we were living in a little house that had once been a chicken coop, up in New Paltz I think. I was maybe three or four. When the few days visit was over, they said good bye. I kissed and hugged Al, patted his cheek, and said, "You go home now" then turned to Martha Mekul and said, "But you 'tay here"...weeping I told the Martha in the dream that is was okay, she didn't have to 'tay here anymore; she would always be with me no matter what, that I understood that now.