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She is gone.
Sep. 26th, 2014 12:08 pmI drank too much but not enough last night.
This morning I was unable to figure out how to begin grieving; that would make this real and be like I believed it. Someone in our circle suggested just do simple things, things you know can manage. The ritual of showering was too much. I botched it, got lost in that tiny space. So I went back to bed. Two dogs kept watch. Two cats pushed their way under the blankets. It is the first day of cool autumn with rain.
The day goes on. The normal sounds of the peoples' houses are painful irritations. There is a noise, buzzing, that I can't place but it is maddening. I get up, make coffee. Every step in the procedure is difficult. Raising my hand and closing it to lift kitchen items is nearly more than I can put together and do. She would have made me breakfast. So I do.
There was no one like her. No one in this world meant more to me that she did. We didn't always agree but there was never a question of respect. There was such deep and eternal trust between us. She loved me in a way no one ever has. I am better for that loving.
There is a small scattered chorus of birds and the sky is lightening. Dogs sleeping on the floor near me and an orange cat looking out the front window.
This morning I was unable to figure out how to begin grieving; that would make this real and be like I believed it. Someone in our circle suggested just do simple things, things you know can manage. The ritual of showering was too much. I botched it, got lost in that tiny space. So I went back to bed. Two dogs kept watch. Two cats pushed their way under the blankets. It is the first day of cool autumn with rain.
The day goes on. The normal sounds of the peoples' houses are painful irritations. There is a noise, buzzing, that I can't place but it is maddening. I get up, make coffee. Every step in the procedure is difficult. Raising my hand and closing it to lift kitchen items is nearly more than I can put together and do. She would have made me breakfast. So I do.
There was no one like her. No one in this world meant more to me that she did. We didn't always agree but there was never a question of respect. There was such deep and eternal trust between us. She loved me in a way no one ever has. I am better for that loving.
There is a small scattered chorus of birds and the sky is lightening. Dogs sleeping on the floor near me and an orange cat looking out the front window.
